


biking (solo)

by shownus



Category: NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Dance, Angst, Apples, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hopeful Ending, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Summer, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22600852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shownus/pseuds/shownus
Summary: "shirt in the breeze like i'm sailin'!"new kid donghyuck meets ballet dancer mark and questions heteronormativity.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	biking (solo)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [em0shua](https://archiveofourown.org/users/em0shua/gifts).



> playlist: (hyuck biking playlist)  
> listen to the donghyuck's fav songs to bike to!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3XbAzTCOhXapQTpYmZ289d?si=3TSvZTx6QhWlnraDF56V1g
> 
> hey jordyn!! look at us... another little fic trade... we are just the most progressive fuckers! period.

he picked at the vinyl on the counter, where it was beginning to dog-ear as his mom brushed his hair back with her fingers. "donghyuck." she called in an attempt to get his attention, but he kept his eyes facing down as his vision blurred with tears.  
"just sucks."  
his mom laughed pitifully at his statement and pushed his fingers away from the counter, pressing the vinyl back in place. "i know! seriously sucks. but you get it. i'm sorry." she twisted the ring off her finger and pinched the soft pillow of donghyuck's cheek.  
"let's do something fun."

❦ _ː 3 years and 1 month before ː_ ❦

"let's do something fun!" hyuck yelled to doyoung as he flung his backpack off his shoulder onto their bedroom floor. in 8th grade, he shared a bedroom with his step-brother. doyoung was snide and strict, but he was funny and made donghyuck feel safe and happy. hyuck would squeeze himself into the tire swing that hung from the tree in their front yard, and doyoung would spin him so hard, sometimes donghyuck thought he might puke. jaemin and jisung would record him on their phones and laugh so hard they peed when donghyuck would trip with his foot stuck in the tire. they would upload their summer adventures on youtube and watch as the view count rose as kids from their school stumbled across the videos and left insignificant 'lol's and 'i have english with him' comments.  
"now you gotta run! run! run!!" doyoung told hyuck as he stumbled out of the spinning swing, his eyes swirling like the numbered balls in a bingo cage.  
this was donghyuck's type of fun.

❦

in the new house, donghyuck had his own room. he smoothed a poster across the diagonal ceiling with scotch tape. random pictures and sentimental scraps of paper were attached to the bare walls of the attic. "look, your own room, all private and secluded! you can bring all your future girlfriends up here! sneak them up the trellis…" she nudged with her elbow until donghyuck whined loud enough, "when would i ever do that?!" she smiled, placing another cardboard box onto the floor, "of course you wouldn't. it was a test, and you passed." she shook her finger before closing the door behind her. donghyuck slumped onto his mattress that laid flat on the ground. 

starting his senior year at an entirely new school with all new people and new classes would suck, he thought. but, a chance at reinventing himself was an undeniably attractive feature.

donghyuck rode his bike slowly through his new neighborhood on the 15th of july. he quickly noticed how incredibly small his house was compared to his old house. even the other houses in the same neighborhood. it was regrettably small.  
quaint, his mom told him.

he parked it next to the woods and slithered through branches and brush until the leaves opened for him like witchcraft. the creek was silent, the water laid stagnant with mosquito larvae floating slow on the surface. donghyuck thought it was gross, but he walked along the path of pebbles anyway. he crouched in a flat-footed squat and examined the sticks and purple violets that sprouted around his sneakers.  
now this is donghyuck's type of fun.

❦

"i want to try dancing." donghyuck told his mom while scribbling out pictures of bugs on a napkin. she turned around with a different look of surprise, still shuffling letters addressed to the previous owner between her hands.  
"i saw a dance studio when i was out biking." he followed up, "i want to take ballet lessons." with an easy nod, donghyuck's mom informed him of what a great idea it was, and with that, signed him up that night.

❦

days were slow and hot. tiring and boring. summer felt like a bust without doyoung and his school friends back in seoul. so used to going out to the mall and hiding in the bathrooms past closing, sneaking sips of someone's parent's wine and regretting it, or sticking his head out of car window going 80 miles an hour. every 1st of the month, the 3 would stay on the subway until the last stop, just filming videos of eachother running through the aisles, spinning on the poles and failing miserably at pull-ups on the handlebars. seoul bustled constantly, and it was perfect. it was perfect for donghyuck. ulleungdo was quiet, sure it was peaceful, but it was eery to be back. donghyuck hadn't been back to ulleungdo since he was maybe 8 or 9.

the night before donghyuck's first ballet lesson, he had the worst insomnia in years. his brain wracked at the thought of meeting and conversing with new people and making new friends. if doyoung was here with him, he would be fine. he would express himself how he wanted. he would be confident.  
he would be happy.

he missed that feeling he got with his friends next to him, like, anything was possible. donghyuck could never be embarrassed because jisung and jaemin would either be laughing with him or at him, but it didn't even matter in the end because the important part was that they were there. just the presence of someone donghyuck felt so safe around was enough to protect him from the entire outside world.

but this time, they were not there. this was a first for donghyuck.

he felt an emotion he hadn't felt totally ready to accept until this moment. with his head on his pillow and the cold moon glaring at him through the window beside him, his fingertips brushed up against the wetness of his cheek.

donghyuck missed his friends, he missed his brother, he missed his old house. donghyuck felt lonely. he hated it.

❦

at 4pm, donghyuck eats a honeycrisp apple and pedals on his bike rhythmically, leaving extra time just in case he felt like stopping at the gated playground, sneaking in to get a few good swooshes on the swing set. leaning his right forearm along the handlebars of his bicycle and wiping apple juice from his chin with his hoodie sleeve, donghyuck takes the long way to the dance studio.

the parking lot is empty and eerie, the whistling wind shoots through the trees next to the small chain of buildings, the hairs rising swift on the back of donghyuck's neck. leaves aimlessly floating around as if they were ghosts that didn't know they were dead. donghyuck spun the bare apple core between his index and thumb, shaking up his arm loosely. readying back, donghyuck squeezes his eyes shut, pulls back and fires the apple core like a rock in a slingshot towards the thick forest in front of him. 

**THWACK!**

eyes popping open at the sound, donghyuck freezes in terror as the boy on the bike falls sideways with the smack of the apple core against his head. he tumbles face first onto the blacktop and donghyuck's feet move only slightly reluctantly towards his victim. "oh shit. oh shit, man, shit, oh shit." donghyuck is mumbling when he pulls the bike off of the boy on the ground, who's grumbling about flying fruit and a twisted wrist. the little bell on the door of the studio rings behind them, but donghyuck is stuck in the rapid trance of the boy with the humidity-stricken hair, the happy freckles, and the apple chunks that are gracefully dispersed along his hairline and neck. 

the bicycle boy takes one look and him, and pushes himself up with a free hand. "trying to assassinate me?" he sounds fully frustrated, donghyuck stays stunned with embarrassment.  
"have i harmed you in a past life?" donghyuck attempts to pick apple pieces from his hair, but lets his hand retreat to cover himself from bursting out in an inappropriately timed laugh. "what? why are you laughing!!?" he whines, donghyuck too busy snorting to reply. "sorry, oh my god, i'm sorry." 

the boy is brushing apple bits all over the ground, shaking his head, sending pieces flying out in all directions. he wraps his fingers around the body of his bike and lifts it upright from hyuck's grasp. a red welt is beginning to form on his cheek, and the choppy black top left his nose bridge and upper lip dusted with light cuts. 

"mark!" someone calls from a car pulling up to the front of the studio, "hey dude!" they beckon with a splayed hand, leaving mark to only glance at a red-faced donghyuck for a second before rolling his bike along with him over to his friends.

❦

donghyuck isn't laughing anymore when he's forced into the small studio with plenty of people with toned and perfect bodies, sculpted for the sport. their calves look like those of the shiny stallions that gallop through fields that horse girls would talk about in elementary school. the inside of the studio had that big, clean mirror that stretched along the whole length of the room. those girls with those huge calves were stretching, bending stuff in ways donghyuck that made him ask himself, 'was that supposed to bend like that?'

his palms found the solidity of the wall and inched along further from the door, not even daring to make eye contact with himself in the mirror. 

how could they look at themselves so confidently like that? donghyuck was sort of jealous. 

donghyuck's mom told him many times before: '99% of the time, no one really cares what you look like, truth is, everyone is too focused on themselves to care about what others are doing.' he told himself he knew this, he knew it was true, but he just couldn't. he could never hear those words enough times to be able to acknowledge the honesty of them. his eyes would stay fixed right on the floor, right on the fraying hem of his basketball shorts.

the dance instructor came strutting in on her toes with beige tights, yelling her hello's and making hyuck's toes curl. the hood of his jacket found its way around his head, suffocating his baby brown curls as he pulled down on the drawstrings. that familiar crowd of boys walked into the studio, they were laughing at something the boy who he had hit with an apple said. donghyuck wondered if he was still mad. maybe he was making a joke out of it. maybe he was making a joke out of him.

"nice aim." one of the taller and slender boys said, smiling as he walked by. "jeonghan, knock it off." mark turned as he walked, taking a few steps backwards as jeonghan ran a hand through his hair, foregoing the eye-roll, instead nodding slightly as a motion of understanding.

they all began squatting down to the floor, pulling at their legs as they stretched. "still wish i could've seen that." a shorter boy nudged mark as he tried slipping on ballet shoes, making mark lose his balance and stumble over. both of them were suddenly smiling so big and bright, some apple bits were still hidden in different depths of the boy's hair. hyuck smiled just a little too, they reminded him of his friends in seoul.

hyuck was sneaking just the shyest glance at the boy with apple in his hair through the reflection in the mirror, and when he suddenly looked right back at him, donghyuck just froze. he just stared, and kept staring. apple boy stuck his tongue out at hyuck, wiggled his eyebrows and winked back and forth between eyes. 

_왜 저랑 눈이 마주치셨어요? why are you staring?_  
he mouthed expressively, baring his teeth like a lion cub. those happy freckles on his neck and cheek just shimmied ever so prettily when he moved his mouth. the reddish welt on his cheek had gotten redder since before. donghyuck snapped out of it when the dance instructor smacked on the stereo, blaring music that shook the floor beneath him. his eyes flickered away from the separate dimension that laid behind the mirror.

"okay! hoods off everyone! we are going to get started with some stretches!" 

"hats and everything too, please!!!"

"honey, in the back, please take off your hood."

donghyuck's hands froze on the strings, white knuckling as his stomach churned. the class was probably all staring, his brain just shutting off.

"he's rebooting." donghyuck heard one of the boys who came in with mark say, sort of hazy and faint. some laughter sprinkled around the room, hyuck floating around in some summer mist that fogged up his brain. the vibrations between his feet and the floor, the disgustingly loud music, the dozens of eyes locked and staring.

the flat palm of another hand rested up against the crown of donghyuck's head, finding a loose fistful of his hood, pulling it down easily with some words donghyuck couldn't quite make out. "he was just zoned out."

"thank you, mark. can you stick with him today? and welcome to the class, donghyuck. we are happy to have you here with us."

mark nodded and looked back at him, ruffling those messy coils atop of donghyuck's head. "hey, i'm not mad at you, i know it was an accident." his heart beat so hard and fast, he was worried mark would hear it. "donghyuck, you doing alright? you look scared." hearing mark say his name was the most beautiful song hyuck had ever heard. up until now, his name was… just.. his name. something he was stuck with starting from the day he was born, a label, but now it was a symphony that he wanted to hear every second of every day. mark patted the top of donghyuck's head.

"Yes, I am very fine. So splendid." donghyuck projected at an alarming volume, making his eyes grow fifteen times in size, really, he saw them in the mirror across from him. the whole class previously chatting went silent for a moment. mark's lonely laugh warmed hyuck's chest. donghyuck giggled just a little so mark's laugh would have a friend. he pulled his hand from hyuck's hair. the absence of mark's hand made donghyuck feel cold. but still, his lips tugged into an uncontrollable smile.  
donghyuck was smitten.

the look of mark just an inch away from his side, leaning up against the wall, hands tucked behind his back, listening to the instructor go on and on… it was a sight. mark was just maybe a few centimeters taller than him, but maybe even more because they weren't standing up straight. donghyuck wanted to ask him things, just talk and talk and learn everything about him and everything he liked. it was killing him to stay quiet.

donghyuck told himself he had to face his fears, forcing his nerves to shrivel up and die with his past… a self-proclaimed heterosexual.  
he opened his mouth to speak, but only a small exhale came out, shoulders falling hopelessly and lips closing on each other. his stomach felt like a never ending pit straight to the void. this didn't make any sense, donghyuck had never felt like this with anyone before.

"let's all sit butterfly, and remember; hold your ankles, never your toes!" the instructor said, beckoning for everyone to take a seat.  
before hyuck's brain could even catch up, mark was folding his hand around donghyuck's wrist, tugging for him to sit down with him. there it was again, his heart beating faster. there was no straight explanation for this. absolutely none, hyuck told himself.

donghyuck leaned down, letting his knees fall to the floor. was he meant to dress flamboyantly and wear makeup now? isn't that what all gay people do? but what if he didn't want to do all of that? could he just be himself? 

❦

the class was over and donghyuck couldn't remember anything besides holding his ankles and not his toes. he only learned that mark had three freckles and that he had never dyed his hair before and that he had no siblings. that he learned from small talk. he learned that mark thought that donghyuck had cute hair and that he liked to touch it. that- he inferenced.  
donghyuck felt invincible.

the boys mark had walked in with all skirted out of the room the minute the instructor had wished everyone a nice weekend.  
"here, hang back a bit," the toddlers that squeezed through the doorframe and poured into the studio for their 'baby ballet' pushed into mark and donghyuck, loudly blabbering about butterflies and new favorite colors. 

the flow of kids eased up and mark thanked the teacher, following donghyuck out of the building.

"bye." donghyuck squeezed out before swinging a leg over his bike. he waddled accordingly with the seat spreading his legs wide, his face flushing pink at the thought of what scene mark must've been concealing his laughter over. he looked back to see mark not hand-over-mouth giggling, but rather standing very still with his lips slightly parting and unparting. "um," he forced out, "do you want to, um," mark spoke again, rubbing the back of his neck raw.

"can i buy you dinner?" hyuck squeezed his fist tight around the handle of his bicycle, leaning his left foot on the blacktop.  
"woah, really?" mark smiled bright. "do you know the tteokbokki stand around the corner?" donghyuck tilted his head at the thought of hot and spicy tteokbokki when it was already kind of hot out. "i just moved here, i don't know where much of anything is yet, but i like tteokbokki."

❦

donghyuck did not think mark would eat as much as he did. just when he thought, 'surely, he must be full now,' mark would order another serving. mark had tears welled up in his eyes and kept exhaling heavily, whining every minute or so about how it burned the cut on his lip."if it hurts so much, why do you keep eating?" donghyuck finally managed to ask mark, his voice a little bit more harsh than intended. both of their smiles grew bright and wide like the moon above them. mark just started laughing, laughing so hard, wiping at the tears in his eyes, snorting and covering his mouth with his elbow. donghyuck couldn't help but laugh too, mark looked just so vulnerable, and lame. so lame. donghyuck started crying too, barely able to sputter a word out between hiccups.

they talked for 2 hours over tteokbokki about anything and everything. how mark had been dancing since he was 13 and how donghyuck didn't even know a single line dance. donghyuck told mark about how his house was the smallest in his neighborhood and how he missed doyoung. he told him all about how his mom found this man when donghyuck was 12 and how he came with a son and how they became best friends and how much donghyuck liked having an older brother. then about how that man divorced his mom and now he doesn't get to see doyoung anymore. mark asked if it was nice having a sibling, and donghyuck said yes.

mark took the bill and told donghyuck it was okay because he ate way more than him. "but i still wanted to pay you back for hitting you in the head with that apple." hyuck muttered as they walked their bikes down to the curb. mark wrapped his fingers around donghyuck's wrist and pulled just a little for him to stop. he felt his heartbeat go faster and he wondered if mark could feel his pulse through his wrist, if he thought he was weird for being nervous.

"hey, i have an idea." mark smiled and those happy freckles flexed on his skin, his grip tightening more.

❦

mark sat on the bench under the only lit street lamp, waiting for hyuck to walk out of the pharmacy with a bag and a shy smile. where his eyes could wander for mark, but then split straight to the ground when their eyes met. watching his shoes scuff along the concrete. he was predictable.

the twinkling bell chimed and out came hyuck, shy smile, eyes wandering. mark waved his arm up high, waiting for donghyuck to make his way over. "okay, i got antibacterial cream and bandaids, burn cream. my mom usually made me use burn cream when i got rug burn or fell outside." donghyuck's hands shuffled through his arm full of goodies. "you didn't get a bag?" mark teased, smirking slightly. "they're bad for the planet." hyuck retorted, dumping the tube out of the paper box. mark folded his lips in to repress a smile, having a feeling deep down that hyuck might get upset at his reaction.  
"where do i start?" hyuck was busy shuffling bandaids between his fingers to look up. when mark gestured around his face and body at his various cuts and scrapes, that's when donghyuck's eyes began to spin around. he fumbled with the cap of the antibacterial cream and started on mark's right knee. "ow ow ow!!" mark failed to internalize his painful shouts, making donghyuck pull his hands back in fear. mark laughed "sorry, joking."

"not funny!" donghyuck shoved mark's shoulder back. "ugh.. my shoulder, the only part of me you haven't damaged yet," he winced through clenched teeth. donghyuck held his mouth shut, a special burning heat tinged at both of their cheeks. "only part?" he replied stoically, spreading a bandaid smooth across his kneecap. mark furrowed one of his eyebrows in confusion. "so have i also damaged your heart?" donghyuck sang out, making mark laugh. "good one."

what a 'bro' response, donghyuck thought.

the heart rate of lee donghyuck projected to an astronomical number as he made it to mend mark's face. folding a bandaid across his nose bridge, trying to ignore the big pupils staring at him from above, hyuck's knees shaking as he tried to remain steady, forming bruises from the gaps in the wood planks of the bench. that cut on mark's lip just taunting him, singing a song, doing a dance everytime he laughed or spoke, making hyuck's heart ache. he couldn't even hear anything mark said anymore, he stayed smoothing out the bandaid, his pinky finger brushing against mark's hairline, the softness of his forehead to the softness of his dark hair, an unmatched experience. "hey, hey, hey." the words went in through his ear and out the other, hyuck's eyes burning holes into mark's lips. he bet they were even softer than his hair.

"donghyuck!" mark grabbed at his hand, pulling it down to his side, holding it just barely between his fingers. "so you got a girlfriend, or what?"

oh, that's what he was saying, donghyuck thought.

"nope." donghyuck inhaled, his mind trickling to the thought of mark's hand holding his infinitely. "ever had one?" mark asked again, his fingertips slowly leaving hyuck's palm. 

"i don't think so." donghyuck said, his finger moving up to mark's lips, a dollop of neosporin on his ring finger, his eyes falling between the neosporin and mark's lips. 

"you don't think so? wouldn't you know if-"  
"stop talking." donghyuck interrupted, and mark did.  
they just sat for a moment, maybe two.  
mark blinked a few times with anticipation.  
then donghyuck leaned just a little bit closer, and kissed him.  
it would be a completely stupid lie to say donghyuck did it sporadically. donghyuck had been thinking of doing it ever since he saw mark in the dance studio mirror. he put his hand on mark's cheek, he felt warm but not very welcome.  
he was not kissing back, at all. donghyuck kissed that girl at the high school dance for second years, and she kissed back. and they never had dinner together or talked for hours together like mark and donghyuck just did. he peeked one of his eyes open, and saw mark, eyebrows peaked in amusement with slumped shoulders, his eyes closed.  
not. kissing. back.

donghyuck pushed off of mark and stood up, scraping his knees on the bench as he slid off the side. mark's big doe eyes confused and lost, watching as donghyuck turned his back on him. he dropped the tube of neosporin and shook the bandaid that stuck to his palm off, flailing as he kicked the stand up on his bike, throwing his leg over and making no mistake to pedal as fast as he could out of there. 

❦

hyuck woke up at 11am to the smell of mint tea. "how was it?! the best ever? did you make new friends?" she set the mug down next to him and sat cross legged on the floor.

"no, it sucked." donghyuck rubbed at his eyes so he could fully take a look at his mother's frown.

"what? what happened?"

"it's like, all girls. and they're mean."

she pulled the pillow in small tugs to get donghyuck to sit up. "did you tell them boys can dance too? did you tell them all the professional football players take ballet lessons to improve their balance? did you tell them that?"

hyuck looked down at his arm, creases stained his skin from the rumpling of his sheets. "no." he replied. then they just sat in silence for a bit, giving both of them a little time to think.

"do you want to go back?" she asked hyuck, biting her lip.

"not really." he shrugged.

"promise me you won't sit on your ass on your laptop this whole summer though, promise me." she handed donghyuck the mug and tilted her head.

"i promise."

❦

days went by much faster now, night came especially quicker when donghyuck woke up at 2pm from playing games and eating chips until 7am. suddenly a week passed much faster, but not in a good way.

his mom told him a few times to come help in the garden or do the dishes to get him out of his room. donghyuck would shuffle out with his glasses balanced on the tip of his nose in his bathrobe and let the plates clatter as he set one on top of the other. he would lay flat on the living room floor and bask in the sun, his huge headset pushing back his waved hair, too lazy to even switch to earbuds when listening to music.

"hyuckie, come on. you need to help me." she would bend over his limp body and feel his forehead. he would "hmph" and sit up, throwing his bathrobe over the couch. "shower and then meet me in the back." she pinched his cheek and stood, "the tomatoes are ripe. we can have sandwiches for lunch." she smiled and turned, the flat bottom of her flip flop smacking against her heel as she walked to the front door.

the crickets and birds chirped loud through the screen of the bathroom window. donghyuck could not get his mind off of mark. how he would most definitely see him in school. with his luck, he bet he would get assigned the seat infront of him in at least 3 classes. the steam from his shower wafted out the window while donghyuck was rutting a towel around his head when he thought he heard a familiar voice. shuffling on slippers after pulling shorts over his briefs, shirt hung around his neck, he peered out the bathroom window. his neighbor was discussing something with someone he couldn't quite see.

flicking a latch and pushing up the screen, donghyuck peered his head out the window, sunlight blinding him. he heard someone say his name. "what's going on?" donghyuck called from the window, squeezing his eyes tight and holding a hand over his eyes as a makeshift visor. his mom joined the conversation, her voice chiming in like a bell. "donghyuck!" she shouted. "donghyuck come here for a second!" she shouted again, making him startle. 

yanking his head through his shirt, he stomped down the stairs, opening the door and sliding on sandals as he hopped off his porch; his fingers thrashing around in his wet hair.

his mom and mark, equipped with a bicycle and shy smile, stood waiting for him.

"friend from ballet?" his mom walked up to him, far and wide steps approaching him quickly, flicking between his eyes without ever stopping her legs. "really?" donghyuck recoiled at the flick, turning to watch her walk away, a palm covering up his forehead a minute too late. he sighed and glanced at mark, who was shifting his weight back and forth between feet and had his mouth folded into a bracket smile. he wore white sneakers and old jeans, a white short sleeve button-up waved against his chest with the wind.

"knocked on every door in this neighborhood and asked for you." 

"why would you do that?" he continued rubbing his forehead, his eyes unfocused and tired.

"hyuck." he heard mark say, his voice strong and assured. "you missed yesterday's lesson." 

he felt his shoulders slump a little, the blaring sun shining from behind mark's head made him squint. he really did look like a lion.

the soft patter of mark tapping his fingers on his blue jeans halted. "and i missed you." donghyuck opened his eyes just in time to see mark's pupils roll back, blowing out a gust of air from between his pouted lips. this must be a signature mark eyeroll.

"why?" the word slipped out before donghyuck could catch it, it slipped so fast he wasn't even a hundred percent sure of what he was honestly asking.

"why?" mark repeated, his forehead wrinkling and lips puckering up to his nose as he began to think. donghyuck put on his best narrator voice and began monologuing as mark stood still and stoic. "now we can see mark beginning the thought process, the cogs and gears in his brain slowly shifting together as he reaches far among his untapped brain cells to discover new ways to find plausible answers--"  
mark slapped his palm over hyuck's mouth with such vigor that he had wobbled back slightly, mark having to grab his shoulder to steady him.

"because, this." mark leaned straight forward into the kiss, pushing his fingertips through his wet hair. hyuck kissed back instantaneously. he had wanted this extremely bad since the week before. he couldn't admit it, but it was the truth. he kept kissing back in hopes of finding that cut on his lip, but he just couldn't feel anything. he kissed harder, watching as mark's eyelids fluttered against the unexpected pressure. donghyuck's eyes bulging and eyebrows shadowing over his brown eyes, straining to look down. it sounded almost like a suction cup being released when mark yanked him off of him in shock. "what? what was that?" he asked, but hyuck's eyes already trailed below to check on his own for that cut. it really wasn't there. 

"i really healed your cut lip with my kiss on monday." he whispered to himself with extreme seriousness. mark threw his head back to laugh and the freckles on his neck bounced with each breath. "pretty sure it was the neosporin." mark gasped when his eyes found donghyuck's again. "unless you're really magic?" his thumbs wiped at water droplets that dared to drop from his forehead. "i always thought you were special! this must be why." "you're magic." mark used air quotes as he took a step back. 

"oh, now you're gonna make fun of me?" donghyuck's stern voice quivered against the nerves of his sudden remark. mark's thumb felt over his bottom lip before shoving his fist back into his pocket, hiding his lips in his smile. "yes, it's kind of fun."

❦

mark and donghyuck walked next to the creek, squatting at the water's side, where mosquito larvae that had floated on the surface since the week before, began clumping up. they swatted at the bugs that zipped around their heads. mark plucked one of the purple violets up by the roots, surprised by the little mounds of dirt that flung up at him, ruining his balance and making him topple over just like in the studio. donghyuck released a melodic laugh, pulling at a curl atop his head. "what were you trying to do?" his ears felt red and mark wondered if donghyuck could see them. "i was going to stick it behind your ear, but then, like, all the stupid shit came up."

"no, it's perfect." he replied, scooping loose dirt up from the creekside. 

❦

they visited the creek everyday with the electric fans that plug into their phones, and ballcaps. then again with jackets and cotton beanies. in autumn, they peeled dead leaves from the stream, and in summer they let their fingertips glide across the surface like waterbugs.

donghyuck told himself that in winter, they would test the creek's ice for solidity, and in spring they would litter the creek with flower petals.

donghyuck never went to another ballet lesson, personally, but he did pick up mark lee from his lesson each week without fault. 

in the summer they met, donghyuck would play pc games with his legs crossed on the floor and his shirt peeled from his back, damp and strewn over his hamper. and mark would cheer him on in basketball shorts with bent knees, and waddle from side to side with an electric fan between his palms. 

donghyuck could not believe how lucky he was. he would say it everyday, "i'm so lucky, i'm so lucky," he sung while pulling the paper from a fresh bandaid. "i'm so lucky to have mark to myself!" mark is clapping as he laughs and it echoes from the bathroom, watching his face melt in the mirror as he pulls the bandaid off from his nose bridge. donghyuck looks up from his hands to mark in the mirror, a smile of his own breaking out across his face.

❦

the chocolate milk carton of dirt sat on the desk of mark lee for nine months. for nine months he came home from school after kissing donghyuck in a bathroom stall for two minutes straight between their third and fourth period and watered that stupid purple flower. even when donghyuck told him on that afternoon with that purple sunset that looked like that stupid purple flower that his mom was remarrying his step-dad and he was moving back to stupid seoul, he still went home and still watered that stupid purple flower.

he opened his front door and he threw his backpack as hard as he could. he didn't time or prepare for the throw, just letting his arm go limp halfway through. stray papers filled the room and floated down to mark's feet. the backpack landed with a thump and a trail of crunched papers and pens. his face was red and his tears were on the verge of overflowing from the delicate rims of his eyes. he shoved his face into his pillow and he screamed so loud and so hard that he couldn't even hear his mom banging on his door. 

but he stood up, and he looked at his mom standing under his door frame, her face soft and sad. and he tossed his body into the desk chair like a pair of jeans that could be worn again before being washed. and he squeezed the last ounce of water from that bottle over that stupid purple flower.

❦

donghyuck sat outside the dance studio for three hours before he decided that mark was not going to show up. he glared at that glass front window with the huge vinyl ballerina silhouette pasted on and his fist shivered. his hand clenched so perfectly around a rock from the creek, and he told himself he was going to chuck it right at the window.

he released it. letting it slip between his fingers, the sound of the rock clattering melted into the patting of his shoes against the pavement. 

☏

donghyuck called mark's phone number and then ended it half a second later, called, and then ended it, called, and then, mark picked up.  
"mark?" hyuck smiled so big he could barely contain his excitement that poured out from his pain.  
"donghyuck." mark replied, a sigh of relief deafened hyuck over the speakers. "i miss you." mark said, pinching his thigh as he leaned against the door of his bedroom.  
"why aren't you at ballet?"  
"how could i dance right now?" the line went quiet and donghyuck watched as his feet walked an invisible tightrope through the parking lot on his way home. "are you excited to see your friends again?"  
"yeah, of course. but i will miss you so much. i will miss you so much. i will." mark smiled behind the tears that welled up in his eyes, it felt kind of nice to hear it. "good." mark laughed, wiping his nose on his sleeve and his thumb over his eyes.

"excited to see doyoung?" "yes. yes, of course." hyuck looked up at the disappearing sunset. "sorry i told you when i did. i could've waited until after school when you were over my house." "why?" mark looked for a box of tissues in his room, but came up with nothing. "because it killed my boner?" donghyuck and mark's laughs practically collapsed over the phone speakers and hyuck felt his chest hop, his lungs convulsing. mark's diaphragm expanded too rapidly, making him cough, hitting his chest to release air, breathing heavily until their laughs faded into silence.

"what will i do without you?" donghyuck mewled.

 _m_ : "you will be fine. i will come to you, just wait."

 _d_ : "just wait? until when?"

 _m_ : "i'll see you at graduation!"

 _d_ : "no, no, well, but, after that. when?"

 _m_ : "i'll come to you when we are ready."

 _d_ : "when will that be? you will come to seoul?"

 _m_ : "i don't know!" mark laughed. "you're so annoying, stop asking so many questions!" 

_d_ : "okay. i'll just wait."

 _m_ : "okay."

 _d_ : "but i'm impatient."

 _m_ : "okay."

 _d_ : "i love you."

 _m_ : "okay.  
wait what?"

 _d_ : "i said, i love you."

 _m_ : "okay." he smiled so wide his cheeks ached, his tears blinding him.

 _d_ : "hey!! say it back! mark lee!"

 _m_ : "no! just wait. until we are ready."

 _d_ : "okay."

 _m_ : "you are impatient."

 _d_ : "i know."

 _m_ : "okay."

 _d_ : "what if i find someone perfect in seoul?"

 _m_ : "then you be with them."

 _d_ : "what? how could you say that?"

 _m_ : "i'm sure there are plenty of better choices in seoul."

 _d_ : "no, they're all hypebeasts."

 _m_ : "then you're never gonna find someone perfect in seoul. so then i'm the only one for you."

 _d_ : "i guess you're right." donghyuck looked at the televisions inside his neighbors' homes through the passing windows.

 _m_ : "when do you go back?"

 _d_ : "soon." he rubbed his eyes, pulling the phone far from his face to sniff. "why can't i come and see you now?"

 _m_ : "i have to do homework, and… gosh." mark's eyes bored holes into the blue and brown jansport that sat on his bed. "i'm no good at lying. i just.. i want to see you when i'm happy. i don't want our last time seeing each other for like, who knows how long, to be all sappy."

 _d_ : "mark!" donghyuck laughed. "what's so wrong with sappy?"

it took mark a second to hum a little note over the line, clearing his throat.

 _d_ : "you're not crying, are you?"

 _m_ : "no!" mark sputtered.  
why? are you?"

 _d_ : "no!"

 _m_ : "okay… i'll hang up first. and i will see you at graduation." he glanced at his steamed cap and gown that hung over a plastic purple hanger from his closet door. suddenly, he wasn't so excited to graduate. "it's just 2 days." the roaring silence let mark know that donghyuck had muted himself from the call. "i'll hang up now, hyuck."

a few seconds passed before donghyuck realized that mark waited on his reply before hanging up. he unmuted.

 _d_ : "... you didn't." 

_m_ : "i'll hang up now."

 _d_ : "mark. i'll wait. i can do it."

 _m_ : "i know you can."

 _d_ : "still didn't hang up!" hyuck smiled, pulling his phone away from his ear to see the continuing call, but instead was faced with an empty screen. a text message notification from mark saying 'goodnight' popped up in a green bubble. 

☏

2 days of hell passed, unsure if he made the right decision.  
mark's mom helped him with the curling iron after he burned his wrist and said hair styling was too hard. she told him he looked handsome and that she was very proud of him. she curled the front strands of his hair until they sprung out two halves of a heart.

he stretched his arm out the car window and watched unimpassioned as hyuck's house with the sold sign flew by his side from the passenger seat. "this is like a scene in a teen movie, i swear." chan pointed at mark from the back seat. all five boys clad in their long, navy blue gowns. soonyoung smiled at mark from the backseat, watching his eyes flutter closed in the side mirror. "aren't you excited to graduate?" jeonghan asked from the driver's seat, glancing over at him periodically, the paved road to mark, then the paved road to mark again. 

"no. not at all." he replied.  
seungkwan laughed.

"yeah, and i thought kwan was dramatic." chan jabbed his thumb at his ribs, making seungkwan flail in protest and lead soonyoung to start yelling. 

but it all faded to the back of mark's mind. the soybean fields out the open window blended together in a green smear at the speed jeonghan drove, having already realized it was just too late. purple violets and standing creeks. apples and spicy rice cakes. streetlights and bandaids. 

❦

4 hours after the phone call with donghyuck, 2 days before, mark leaned back and forth by an inch, drabbling under his breath and knocking his forehead against his bedroom door, colliding skulls with his john mayer poster. 

mark pulled his head back much further this time, gripping his knuckles around the door. he skirted around the banister and took the steps 3 at a time, rutting his slippers off and sneakers on, calling out some mush of 3 sentences to his mom on the couch and ran towards the moon and all of the stars. throwing his leg around the bike leaned up against the siding of his house, he pushed his toes off the cracked driveway and was numb to the feeling of the up and down lift of the pedals.

donghyuck's bedroom window was dark. it was black, actually. his usual array of foliage missing and garage open, empty and dark. his bicycle bent over in an awkward position from being thrown so carelessly into hyuck's front yard. the front door shut and bolted up so tight, no amount of thrashing, mark soon realized, against the door would give him access inside. mark stood, having realized, it was just too late.

❦

jeonghan patted mark's thigh until he woke, his eyes flickering over to the pale teenager as he reached to unbuckle his seatbelt. he sat up straighter, pushing his fingertips into the sticky leather, hot and uncomfortable. chan, seungkwan, and soonyoung stood in front of the parked car, chattering loudly about snapchat memories as they leaned over seungkwan's phone in a small huddle. jeonghan's car being just one of the many that was parked in the field of vehicles that stretched along the field of recently trimmed grass. "ready for the next chapter of your life?" jeonghan smiled bright and leaned back out of the car, lifting his knees from the seat. 

❦

mark would be lying if he said hearing 'lee donghyuck' over the speakers 3 times didn't do something to his head.

mark would be lying if he said that his voice cracking while yelling 'he's not here' at the man with the microphone was anything but the verbal emittance of his heart shattering.

there were 5 other lee's before mark was called. he could hear his mom and dad whooping from the stands and watched as seungkwan hopped up from the ocean of navy blue caps that all sat ahead of him, arms maximizing their width before wrapping them around him in a squeezy embrace.

mark leaned forward a few centimeters in his seat, checking to see the empty seat 5 spots down. his foggy vision blinked back a tear or 2 as he looked up at the boy waving ferociously at him, a seat closer to him than donghyuck's. "alright mark?" felix peeped out at him. felix and mark shared an art class the year before and mark remembered laughing very hard at most of the words that came out of his mouth. "yeah, i'm doing alright."

"isn't that your friend?" felix asked, mark gave felix a slight glance, eyes shifting from the empty seat to his finger pointing up at the podium ahead of him. jeonghan stood tall and slender with his fingers folded over the edges, tapping impatiently as he read his speech. "one of my closest." mark replied. "he's doing good " felix smiled. mark nodded and looked back at jeonghan, who looked very nervous. "we are going over to soonyoung's after this, his house is close." mark stated, glancing back to felix.  
"want to come?"  
"oh, yeah alright."  
"cool." felix replied, biting back a little smile, his freckles jumping as he leaned back into his chair.  
"cool." mark repeated.


End file.
